Making ‘Peace’ with the Holidays: Embracing Love, Joy and Self-Care
This blog is all about embracing love and self-care.
The holidays are often described as a magical time for many, but let’s be real: for some, it can be one of the toughest seasons of the year. I know that was the case for me for a very long time. Has anyone ever been irritated with the sound of that constant jingling bell when trying to walk into a retail store? Or how about the frustration of circling the parking lot, unable to find a spot when you just need to grab a few things from the grocery store.
And it didn’t help that my divorce was finalized in November—talk about a being a Grinch.
Between all the annoying sparkle and cheer, there’s often an undercurrent of emotions that’s hard to ignore. Whether you’re navigating the holidays without a partner, missing loved ones who are no longer here, or struggling to prioritize self-care amidst the chaos, it’s important to acknowledge those feelings. So, let’s sit down, grab a cup of something warm, and have a heart-to-heart about the ups and downs of the holidays. You’re definitely not alone.
Not Being in a Relationship Anymore
First, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: being single during the holidays. If you’re fresh out of a relationship, this season can feel like a series of reminders of what you no longer have. The holiday movies, the matching pajamas, the mistletoe—it’s enough to make anyone want to crawl under a blanket and hibernate until January or maybe even a little longer, right?
I avoided my happily married friends at all costs—not because of anything they did, but because of how I felt inside. At that time, I was drowning in self-pity and struggling to see past my own pain. I didn’t want to bring my negative energy into their lives or risk dampening their joy. It felt easier to withdraw and keep my distance, even though deep down, I missed them and valued our friendships.
Looking back, I realize that isolating myself didn’t solve anything. It only deepened my feelings of loneliness and robbed me of the support and love they might have offered if I’d let them in.
Here’s the thing, though: being single doesn’t mean you’re incomplete. It’s completely okay to grieve the loss of a relationship, but this season is also a perfect opportunity to rediscover yourself. Use this time to spoil yourself the way you’d want a partner to. Treat yourself to that gift you’ve been eyeing. Create your own holiday traditions. Visit the holiday markets, take yourself out for a fancy dinner, or spend a cozy night in with your favorite movie and snacks. You deserve it!
I had never gone out to dinner alone before—ever. One evening, my sister and I planned to meet at a local steakhouse after work, but she had to cancel at the last minute. I was really disappointed, but she encouraged me to go anyway. After much convincing, I decided to be bold and give it a try!
When I walked in, it felt like all eyes were on me. The server came over and asked if anyone would be joining me. When I said, “No,” the way he awkwardly gathered the extra silverware made the moment so much worse. The sound of the forks and knives clanging felt painfully loud, like the whole restaurant could hear it. I wanted to jump up and run out of there, but I forced myself to stay.
Looking back, I still remember that moment vividly—like it was yesterday. It’s funny now, but at the time, it was so uncomfortable!
Remember, if loneliness creeps in, don’t hesitate to lean on your support system. Call up your friends, plan a brunch, or even join a holiday event for singles. Remember, this chapter of your life is about you, and that’s something worth celebrating.
If all else fails, be bold and go to dinner by yourself!
Missing Loved Ones
The holidays can be tough when you’re missing someone who’s no longer with you. Whether it’s a partner, a parent, sibling, or close friend, their absence can feel even harder during special traditions.
One way to cope is by honoring their memory. You could light a candle for them, cook their favorite dish, or share stories with others who loved them too. Some people find peace in starting new traditions, like volunteering in their honor or donating to a cause they cared about.
It’s okay to admit that the holidays won’t feel the same, and that’s completely normal. Let yourself feel whatever emotions come up—cry if you need to, laugh at the memories, or even just sit quietly with your thoughts. You could write them a letter or pour your heart out in a journal. Grief doesn’t follow any rules, and those waves of sadness can hit, even during a season that’s all about joy. Be gentle with yourself—you’re doing the best you can.
Do your best to surround yourself with people who make you feel loved and understood. And if being alone feels too hard, don’t be afraid to reach out. Sometimes, a simple conversation can lighten the emotional load.
The Importance of Self-Care
Now let’s talk about you. Yes, you! The holidays are often about giving—giving time, giving energy, giving gifts. But who’s giving to you? If you’re not making time to pour back into yourself, it’s easy to end up running on empty.
Self-care during the holidays isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Start with the basics: make sure you’re getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, and eating well. It’s tempting to survive on cookies and hot cocoa, but your body will thank you for adding some veggies to your plate.
Next, carve out time for things that make you happy. Whether that’s a morning yoga session, a long bath with your favorite playlist, or a few uninterrupted hours with a good book, prioritize activities that recharge you. My favorite was walking. Walking was my therapy.
Boundaries are a powerful form of self-care, especially during the holidays. It’s okay to say no to events or traditions that feel overwhelming or draining. You don’t have to attend every party, bake every batch of cookies, or host every dinner.
Be mindful of your mood and energy. If you’re feeling off, it’s better to skip events rather than show up feeling resentful or passive-aggressive—it’s not fair to you or others. The goal isn’t to withdraw but to be intentional about what you choose to participate in. Spend time with people who uplift you, do things that bring you joy, and let go of the rest. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary.
Finally, don’t forget to check in with yourself emotionally. The holidays can bring up a lot, and it’s important to process those feelings. Consider talking to a therapist, meditating, or journaling to help navigate any anxiety or sadness that comes up.
Embracing the Ups
It’s not all tough, though. The holidays also come with moments of joy, connection, and beauty. Give yourself permission to embrace those moments fully. Maybe it’s the warmth of a friend’s hug, the laughter of children opening gifts, or the simple pleasure of a holiday song that lifts your spirits. Do you have a favorite song that makes you smile? I did. I use to listen to it over and over again until I started feeling better.
Practicing gratitude can be a game-changer, especially during tough times. Even when life feels heavy, there’s always something to be thankful for. It might be your health, your strength, or simply the fact that you’ve made it through another year. Gratitude doesn’t take away the pain, but it can help you notice the light breaking through the cracks.
The fact that you’re reading this means you’re breathing—you woke up this morning. That alone is worth celebrating. Start small: the warmth of the sun, the gift of sight, forgiveness, laughter—little things like these add up quickly. Once you get started, you’ll be amazed at how your list grows and how much lighter you’ll feel. 🌟
Closing Thoughts
The holidays can be complicated. They’re a mix of joy and sorrow, love and longing, connection and solitude. And that’s okay. You don’t have to force yourself to feel merry and bright every moment of the season. Give yourself grace to feel whatever comes up, and remember that you’re not alone in this.
Lean into the love you do have, whether it’s from family, friends, or even the love you’re building for yourself. Honor those who are no longer here by keeping their spirit alive in your own way. And above all, take care of you. Because you matter, and you deserve to feel loved, supported, and at peace—this season and always.
Here’s to navigating the holidays together, one day at a time. You’ve got this, and I’ve got you. Cheers to making this season a little brighter, even if it’s just one small moment at a time.
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