Healing After Heartbreak

Hey there! Grab your favorite cup of coffee, and let’s talk about something real.

I’ll admit—I’m a little nervous about sharing more of my story. But if my truth can help even one person, it’s worth it. Starting this blog feels like more than just writing; it feels like a calling. It’s about connection, growth, and offering genuine support—not just about chasing clicks or creating picture-perfect pins (though I’m still learning as I go 😊).

My husband said something that stuck with me: ‘I don’t believe God brought us back together just to sit around, be happy, and admire each other. I believe He wants us to use our experience to help others avoid the mistakes we made.’ Those words are the heart behind this blog, Love and Life Lounge. 💕

So, with his blessing (and a glass of Stella Rosa Pineapple in hand), I’m here to share my perspective.

This post is all about Self Love and Relationships

My Background

As far back as I can remember, I knew I wanted to be a wife. Perhaps it was my mother who subconsciously put the idea in my head, I can still hear her words while eavesdropping on grown folks’ conversation, ‘Yeah, Ty’s’ gonna be the first one outta the kids to get married.’ I have two siblings; one is two years older and the other is two years younger; I am the chosen one—the middle child.

I grew up in a very small country town, an area where everybody knew everybody.  Our tight-knit community consisted of working fathers, stay-at-home mothers, retirees, and plenty of kids. I grew up in a generation where children spent time outside playing. As for the adults, one thing was clear: almost everyone was married, and very few mothers had jobs outside the home.

Growing up in a religious household, there were clear expectations when it came to marriage, family, and morality. Two of the most emphasized rules were: no children outside of wedlock and absolutely no sex before marriage. These principles were drilled into me as fundamental truths, shaping the way I viewed relationships and my future.

The message that truly stood out—and was repeated over and over—was that your spouse comes first. And be mindful of who you choose as a mate, because it’s not just about how “cute” someone is, but about their heart and how they treat you. My dad always reminded me, “looks fade.” I love my dad for that lesson.

Just so there are no misunderstandings, no one is saying your mate should repulse you lol!

We can use me for today’s lesson. When my husband and I married, I was very fit and toned. My mentally clarity was amazing, cute face…you get the idea.  Now, some time has passed and lets just say—things are a little different.  I’ll walk in a room to get something and forget why I’m in there or look for my cell phone and it’s in my hand! I’ll bend over to pick something up off the floor and wonder why my back has been hurting for 2 days.  And why do my eyes still look tired after I’ve slept for 9 hours straight?? Youth fades!

I didn’t realize until recently why marriage has always been such a big deal to me. Growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness, anniversaries were the only special occasions we were permitted to celebrate—no birthdays, no Christmas, no Thanksgiving, just anniversaries. And in my family, we partied! My parents, who are actually about to celebrate their 60th anniversary, are my heroes.  I witnessed them go through their drama as a child…the arguments, the money problems—it wasn’t easy for either of them, but they stuck it out, they stayed and didn’t give up. The biggest lesson I learned from my parents was you don’t run when your relationship gets difficult! I always dreamed of building a marriage just like theirs; that was my marital goal!

These lessons have stayed with me all these years, shaping my journey in ways I didn’t fully grasp until later.

The Breakup

Then my beautiful husband says it, he says those words…”no matter what you do, how you behave, or how much you try to convince me that you’re the one, I’m not in love with you and I want a divorce.”  

My heart stops beating, my ears are muffled, I can’t believe what I’m hearing, I see his mouth moving but not sure what he’s saying, this can’t be happening, not to me…

Divorce felt like the end of the world to me! I was married for over two decades to my “Prince “Charming. He wasn’t just my husband—he was my person, my best friend. When I reflect on our relationship, I can honestly say my husband treated me very well. He had many of the qualities I was looking for in a partner: intelligence, generosity, a great sense of humor and kindness.

I had listened to my father.

We met at work, and after we got married and found out I was pregnant, we made a mutual decision—I would stay home with our daughter. Over the years, I took on part-time jobs here and there, but nothing major.

I didn’t think much about the fact that the house, the cars, the bank accounts—essentially everything—were in his name. I trusted him completely.

If everything was so perfect, then what went wrong? After reflecting, I’ve realized  we were missing the one, most important ingredient (well actually 2) The first of course is God, Source, Universe, Almighty, Creator, Goddess, Father, Supreme being, The interconnectedness of all things…however YOU refer to He/She that is greater than you. The second is communication!! Sure, we talked. but it was all surface-level—nothing deep. We were so focused on being polite, avoiding hurting each other’s feelings, and maintaining the illusion of perfection. 

Divorce taught me another invaluable lesson: stop wishing your relationship was like someone else’s. The old saying, “You never know what’s going on behind closed doors,” couldn’t be more true.

Don’t get me wrong—no marriage is perfect. But I genuinely thought mine was as close to perfect as it could be. That’s why the breakup hit me so hard—it was completely unexpected.

So, you can see where this is headed—nothing was in my name, and then he left. 

I’ve been there…I know what it’s like to start over from nothing.  

What’s the first step? What should you do?

The Emotional Landscape of Starting Over

Rebuilding after divorce isn’t just about finding a new partner. It’s about finding yourself first. Think of it like renovating a beautiful old house—you’re not just patching holes, you’re creating something stronger, more intentional, and absolutely stunning.

Breaking Down the Myths

Let’s destroy some seriously outdated beliefs:

• Divorce doesn’t mean you’re defeated
• Your past relationship doesn’t define your future love
• Healing is possible, and love is waiting for you

Healing is Your First Job

I spent years blaming what my ex did to me and rightly so! BUT, how was that helping ME? How is that helping YOU? 

I remember visiting a close girlfriend when the pain of my breakup was still raw. I was venting, tearing my ex-husband apart, and letting it all out! LOL. Then she told me I should go easy on him, and wow, did that annoy me! At the time, I took it as her not caring about me, which couldn’t have been further from the truth. Now I understand she just wanted me to focus on my healing instead of staying stuck in anger. 

Also, before you start swiping on dating apps or accepting blind date invitations, do the inner work. I can’t stress that enough. I know how bad you may miss companionship (I know I did), but I wasn’t ready! I was making bad decisions just because I wanted a warm body laying next to me (should’ve gotten a puppy lol). Then we’re agreeing to being ‘just buddies’ or in a ‘ situationship’ situation…please someone, tell me what is that?!!! After being married for 21 years I had no idea what that was! 

Take your time and focus on you sis!

Focus on Your Healing

• Go to therapy 
• Journal your heart out
• Reconnect with yourself
• Learn from your past relationship
• Pray
• Spend time with family
• Travel (if you can)

Healing after heartbreak can feel like an uphill climb, but trust me, it’s the beginning of something beautiful. First, give yourself grace—this is your time to feel, cry, and process everything. It’s okay to not have it all together right now; healing isn’t about perfection. Start by shifting your focus inward. Journaling, meditating, or even taking a walk can help you reconnect with yourself. Remember, this is your opportunity to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship. Think of it as clearing the path to a stronger, wiser, and more authentic version of you.

You are more resilient than you think, and heartbreak isn’t the end—it’s a new chapter. Surround yourself with a tribe that uplifts you, dive into the hobbies and passions that light you up, and remind yourself daily of your worth. I know it doesn’t feel like it but the pain won’t last forever! I once thought I would never smile again but guess what, I did and you will too…I promise!

Healing takes time, but every step you take toward joy and self-love is a victory. You’re rewriting your story, and the best part? You get to decide how it unfolds. Trust the process, and know that you’re not just healing—you’re transforming into someone unstoppable.

Believe me, if I could recover—you absolutely can too!

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